Humor for the Holidays by Shari Macdonald

Author:Shari Macdonald
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Howard Books

Gift-Giving Misgivings

Tim Wildmon

Gift giving is great, isn’t it? The Bible says it is better to give than to receive. Most of us do get a special feeling when we give someone a gift we know they will love. Birthdays, special occasions, and especially Christmas, are days Americans love to give gifts to one another. And we love receiving them as well.

But did you know that according to a survey by the American Express Travel Related Services Company, one in four of us has actually passed on a gift given to us to someone else? It’s true. The American Express Travel Related Services people wouldn’t lie about something as important as this!

All I have to say is, for shame! You people kill me! I would never, ever… Okay, okay, my hand’s up too. But it’s been a while. Last Christmas, I think it was.

If gift giving is a great American tradition, I guess passing on a gift someone gave us is a great American tradition as well. Now keep in mind this one-in-four number represents people who actually admitted to doing this. And this is one of those questions that even the people who answer “yes,” and are honest, still tuck their heads when admitting to it.

Let’s see, it’s an ugly sweater your aunt gave you and so you—being the thoughtful type—decide to give it to your brother next Christmas. But what if your aunt who gave you the ugly sweater is there when he opens the box? What then? Answer: tell her you loved the sweater so much that you went out and bought your brother one just like it.

Yes, technically you are lying. Technically.

Now if she starts looking at the tag real close and sees you got the sweater last year for the same discounted price she got it for, and at the same store, then you’ve got problems.

“Why, if it ain’t the same price and store, Aunt Josie, I’ll be John Brown. What are the chances of that happening?”

How about that Christmas fruitcake? We’ve got one in our family that’s been passed around for seven years now. Everybody knows it, but no one says anything. It’s been in my freezer twice for one year each time. That fruitcake’s been in four different states and three time zones. I thought about throwing it away, but I want to see who the brave soul is that actually eats it. Besides, it’s kind of a Christmas tradition now.

What are those green things anyway? Are they from the fruit family? I don’t think so. I’ve been to the grocery store many times in my life and not once have I seen those green things among the other fruits such as bananas, apples, and oranges. I’ve only seen them in fruitcakes at Christmastime, which leads me to believe they aren’t fruit at all but are actually unused automotive parts melted down and mixed in with cake mix in hopes that no one will notice. Well, I did. And I, for one, have a rule against eating melted-down automotive parts.

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